I deliberately wrote “bloody poop” because it expresses both the reality of our toileting today and my emotions towards it.
I just felt defeated. No matter how well we work at getting Jess to drink, it feels like we could be winning for a microsecond …. only for him to race to the loo and have it all come out the other end. And it’s been bloody today. A friend who is a lab tech offered to do the c.diff test for us just so we could know one way or the other, but it’s been so forceful and fast that we just could not get the cup in there to get a sample for her. My lowest moment was wondering if this is internal bleeding, or just a tummy that is so irritated and with absolutely no reserves. We’ve done ultrasounds last week, so I don’t really think it’s that … but you know, I am a Mum, and imagination is part of my job requirements.
Finally, at around 4pm, somehow, I snapped out of my fog, hugged my understanding husband, and just started living in the right now. It was hard not to. India decided to paint Jesse’s face as a “Monkey King”. Thank God he does not know what a monkey king actually looks like. Because I have a feeling if I met one, he would not look like this. But Jesse was thrilled with the results.
The kids have been so great. Indie lost her first tooth last night and is incredibly proud. Jesse keeps asking if all his teeth will fall out soon. Probably not before Mummy’s do. (My “stress dreams” are when I am talking to someone and my teeth just start falling out. It’s horrifying.)
It was really humid here, so they spent the day building a fort in their bunk bed; doing crafts; and painting faces. Molly pulled apart forts, wrecked crafts and drank Jesse’s drinks as fast as they could build, create and pour. She started walking by herself a few days ago, and has been trouble ever since. We’ll hear her stomp, stomp stomp elephant walk (legs about one meter apart for balance) down the hall, and then a minute later the frustrated cry “Awwwww! Mooolleeeee!” will come ricocheting off the walls.
We are all in God’s hands. There’s no help for it, is there? You can’t entrust the month ahead to Him. Our peace does not work like that. It’s a daily handing over. Morning by morning. Tomorrow I will make sure I physically and spiritually cast my cares on Him before I even get out of bed, because I am pathetic when I try to manage alone.